How a happy go lucky boy became a dangerous pyromaniac agent

How a happy go lucky boy became an anger re: old man and exhibited profound and visibly noticeable alterations of his once submissive passive demeanor (reference the strange case of Doctor Jekyll and Mister Hyde by Robert Louis Stevenson), when being a lad (din donned with short strawberry blond hair) trumpeted nary a handy dandy blue's clue care in the webbed wide world oblivious (analogous to a deaf mute child, or even a common house pet like a cat or dog) methinks to identify, where aptitude, cognitive, heuristic tests can nevertheless screen for congenital learning deficits punctuating my life and hard times self evident from 20/20 hindsight whereat manifesting symptoms when yours truly a mere half dirty deeds done dirt cheap dozen years, old which tender ages spanned mein kampf, (but I will abridge six plus six decades of dilly dallying, and shilly shallying) from day one at grade school, (I believe Missus Evans her name), junior/senior high school, and subsequently found me hopscotching from one college to another (plus receiving county funding to attend CETA Program (Comprehensive Employment and Training Act, a former U.S. Program, but less frequently, it may refer to the California Educational Theatre Association) or other organizations, the English spelling of the Greek letter zeta, or be a surname at Maxwell Institute countless trade schools to boot), and even affected gainful employment acquisition and retention, now at age sixty six finds me curious (by George) to identify the presence of psychological indicators inherent in those now a days diagnosed quite young (usually by their first birthday) along the Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD), a neurodevelopmental disorder that affects a person's communication, social interaction, and repetitive behaviors, and in retrospect yours truly (me) evinced such obvious traits contributed somewhat to dire straits as a sexagenarian seriously afflicted with (at times demarcated as my half-life ago) severe anxiety/panic attacks, dysthymia, obsessive/compulsive disorder and palmar hyperhidrosis (excessive sweating on palms of hands) punctuated my equilibrium likened to subcutaneous miniature tectonic plates considerably on a far smaller near microscopic scale than the geological phenomena known as continental drift, which spastic antics hopefully explains inexplicable dislocation of head, shoulder, knees, and toes belying the truth that yours truly nothing but a concatenation of prosthetic limbs and noggin that amazingly gracefully enough body electric of mine can be disassembled with both hands tied behind my back cause these sophisticated electronic smart appurtenances comprising the twenty first century version of the six million dollar man helped being detached and detached courtesy smart mechanical dog, who gives no bones about helping me (his master baiter of sorts) replacing upgrades of prosthetic devices, which hardware accoutrements replaced with the latest spiffy, and groovy gadgets the brainchild of mere kindergartners since being synthetically brought into fruition thank you genetic engineering, which little Einsteins' minds unsullied by exposure to tired biases, by blathering children spouting brainwashed pablum learned by ingrained parroting of parents passing along meaningless gibberish concerning distorted doxologies, ideologies, and self important philosophical, and theosophical orgies harking back to the origin of (survival of the fittest) species of Homo sapiens, who just learned how to walk erect that morning predicated on the conceptual clock more specifically notated as The "Clock of Eons," an educational tool, often associated with the Montessori curriculum, that illustrates the immense span of Earth's history and the development of life on a single clock face using a circular timeline to represent the four major eons (Hadean, Archean, Proterozoic, and Phanerozoic) in a non-linear way, with the brief human era appearing as a tiny fraction of the whole to convey a sense of scale with specific purpose to help children understand the vastness of time before the emergence of complex life and to provide a foundation for learning about Earth's history.
Long in the tooth (er... rather indentured bipedal hominid captive on the carousel of time) steeped in the genes of tens of thousands of forebears inherited adrenaline surge that found him cowed and licked when in the thick within the madding crowd, a flash mob that appeared out of thin air, especially when return of this native (after The Hunt for Red October) yielded once in a blue moon felled mastodon (courtesy blackened barbs tipped with poison) that found the Lilliputians kvelling regarding the good and plenty fortune compliments from countless generations ago a promotional performance of a primate linkedin to the writer of these words, who every now and again experiences a craving (particularly in an altered state) for raw bits of stone age cuisine, but caveman mates of mine insisted on hosting a massive mouth watering well cooked celebration with all the trimmings and fixings of what would be called millenniums later Thanksgiving whereat Calumet Pipes would be passed around where the name calumet, from the French word calumet, meaning reed or flute, constituted a profoundly sacred object to many Native American tribes, which pipes used in a variety of ceremonies including peace and war, but more often for peace giving them the "peace pipe" name, but that jumps the gun er...or rather club, cuz lots of descendants came and went living similar lives until at some (petticoat) junction an accidental innovation wrought the rudiments of a wheel that soon became obsolete after some fluke refinements resulted in a smooth round contrivance after the brilliant idea arose observing rolling stones (gathered no moss) and subsequently heavy living duty trafficking of goods and services replaced by modus operandi as smooth circular disc like personally chiseled innovations removed the strain and stress of backbreaking laborious schlepping of materials figuratively and literally paving the way for transporting the building blocks of solid structures, although pyramid schemes arose in tandem, where baubles (essentially venerable beads - made by shaping and discovering visa vis tapping holes into raw materials (that initially crumbled) like volcanic glass (a natural glass formed when lava cools so rapidly that it no time prevails to form into crystals giving way to an amorphous, or non-crystalline, substance with a glassy texture created during volcanic eruptions, and a common example would be obsidian, but other types like pumice and perlite are also volcanic glasses jimmying crude spectacles the better to see the famous neighboring popularized Flintstones, whose private antics invited unwanted intrusions and gave birth to trappings of voyeuristic thrills from the perspective of the primitive peeping Rock, which eventually (meaning ten to the nth power of numberless great's grand parents) eventually earned the appellation Tom, whereby fast forward a bajillion years spawned an early rock and roll band named the Tom Tom Club, which song Genius of Love ranks as all time favorite of mine.
The smoldering rage circumscribed a minute ring of fire within my abdomen and fiery emanating from deep within my bowels where forked flames spewed from out my mouth giving the impression of an amazing dragon who meant no harm, but whose every breath yielded the prospect setting any combustible item on fire necessitating the volunteer fire company to maintain regular on call appointments, thus requiring me to don an electronic device that communication signal to be transmitted and triggered an alarm to sound, but additionally, I always schlepped jugs of water not only to quench my insatiable thirst directly linkedin to this very rare malady that lacked a name and defied medical professionals to remedy this hellish condition, which preventative measure usually advised downing more liquids than the average person, which sometimes snuffed out the extreme heartburn at the expense of issuing heavy dark smoke issuing out my ears, mouth and nose and frequently created a general poor air quality wherever I went, which pollution on par with advisory warnings automatically and robotically calibrated a warning for everybody must remain free and clear for a unspecified length of time lest they suffer major burns across most of her/his body and immediately flown to either Reading Hospital — Tower Health (West Reading) Burn and Trauma Services facility or Lehigh Valley Health Network (LVHN) Regional Burn Center (Allentown) if the crisis occurred within Perkiomen Valley School District, which enclave set the general maximum parameters for me to remain within since traversing outside that zone would be a danger to the general public already on high alert yet quite inquisitive to see with their own eyes a most alien sight, which notion founded a general rumor that yours truly an extraterrestrial from the outer reaches of the twilight zone (which extended way beyond dark shadows seamlessly merging into the edge of night, and thus serious consideration to ship me (in toto as my private Idaho - the namesake housing the B52s) able, eager, ready and willing to petition the president to trumpet ridding the pestilential hazMat (short for hazardous material) to deep space Nine located in the Alpha Quadrant, specifically in the Bajoran System near the planet Bajorm and originally in orbit of the planet but later moved to the mouth of a stable wormhole in the Denorios Belt, which strategic location makes it a major hub for commerce and defense, as the wormhole provides a direct link to the Gamma Quadrant. A bitter feud ensued among the biggest space companies to fashion a fireproof rocket and deep pocket a tidy sum, which included traditional aerospace giants like Boeing and Lockheed Martin, European company Airbus, and newer, more specialized companies like SpaceX, which companies varied in their specific focus, from commercial airliners and defense systems to rocket technology and satellite deployment, and yet all provided a stockpile of comestibles and various and other sundry goods amassed after the commander in chief shut down the United States government to fund said enterprise at the expense of innocent populations, but a clear and present danger less to myself but more so toward yours truly nicknamed The Flamethrower, cause no matter where I went infernos were sure to follow simply courtesy this accursed affliction merely brought about by my need to inhale and exhale, which latter natural function set in motion within this body electric whereat the mere outward breathing brought about an internal conversion through a process called nuclear fusion, not chemical combustion like a fire on Earth, and in my bosom (similar to a star's core), the immense pressure caused by gravity forces hydrogen atoms to fuse together, forming helium and releasing a tremendous amount of energy in the process.