Humor

You make me so mad that I want to wring your neck.
You think that I'm stupid enough to take your...

I bought a parrot but he has a foul mouth.
I let him loose so that he could fly south.
But he...

I know what you want to order for dinner, Welsh Rarebit.
But if you order it again, I swear that I'...

I ordered a hitman to whack a judge and that judge hired the same man to whack me.
The hitman got...

On Halloween I always get a rock everywhere I go.
I decided to retaliate by throwing their rocks...

My brother pulled a dirty trick on me that was lousy to do.
Before I put on a Gorilla mask, he...

I'm Eric Cartman and I'm an evil little bitch.
My mom is poor, she certainly isn't rich.
She...

I went to Fantasy Island but my fantasy didn't come true.
I beat up Mister Roarke and I also tried...

We're hopelessly lost and in great distress.
I was too damn cheap to purchase a GPS.
My...

I'm a PI named Barnaby Jones and I send killers to jail.
But when people receive my bills, they...

When I rob banks, the tellers panic with fright.
But I'm not a mean thief, I'm always polite....

Many people defend my ex-wife but they don't know her.
On our wedding night, she shot me with a...

People loved my soup but they hated me.
Everybody referred to me as the Soup Nazi.
I was...

Many years ago I bought a laptop.
It's so outdated, I call it a craptop.
I want to sell it...

My next door neighbor is very stupid and a little strange.
When I asked him if he had ever been...

I'm a Prizefighter and my name is Little Mac.
When I fight my opponents, they end up on their backs...