My Horrible Ex-wife

Many people defend my ex-wife but they don't know her.
On our wedding night, she shot me with a flamethrower.
Before she used the flamethrower, she doused me with gas.
I have third degree burns all over, she really fried my ass.
Six months later, she wanted me to see the Jaguar that she bought.
But it was not a car, it wasn't what I thought.
That large cat tore me open, it really hurt as I got bit and clawed.
When I was standing in a puddle, my ex zapped me with a cattle prod.
After all of that, I'm lucky that I didn't lose my life.
It's those reasons why the bitch became my ex-wife.

(This is a fictional poem)