18

As I sit here, 
And reminisce,
I think about, 
The life I’ve lived.
The past is haunting,
Yet I find solace,
In the never ending abyss.

All the times I choked on my tears,
The feeling of misery,
For so many years,
The awful people who I thought I loved,
The caregivers who made me feel less than enough,
Blood family leaving me in the dust,
Over and over, I was never loved.
Abandonment stained,
Into my brain,
And still I wonder,
If I’ll ever be the same,
The happy Skyla,
The one with dreams,
The one who had an idea,
Of being seen.

Yet,
Now I see,
How wonderful loneliness can be,
For I have so much in my mind,
That I can pass the time,
By just being with myself.

I have spent so many years,
Worrying about all my tears,
Worrying about how everyone was going to leave me,
Worrying about not living past sixteen. 
Yet here I am,
I’m eighteen.

I look at myself,
I see growth,
I see progress,
That I’d never known,
I see strength,
And satisfaction,
Through my eyes that have been cleansed,
I look at life in a different sense,
For I am worthy,
Of everything above,
And in this present day,
I have finally found love.