A Past I Choose to Hide?

I seem so fearless
Because I am always so terrified
So there is simply no distinction for you to detect

Not some trick you need to inspect

I seem so tough
Because I have adapted to pain
In extremes that few can survive

But I'm here and alive

I am so alive
Because I have seen death, so close
Face to face

And she was kind, her arms a secure place

I seem so cold
Because I have had my fill of heated emotion
So I don't eagerly give in to more

I've had too many nights crying on the floor

I seem so distant
Because I have adjusted to isolation
And simply stopped expecting connection

It's hopelessness, not rejection

I seem so deep
Because I never had a chance to focus on the superficial

The concerns of those around me always seemed so artificial

I seem so shallow
Because I spent so long treading depths
The likes of which you've never seen

I'm exhausted now, let me wade and lean

I seem so young
Because I missed so many years of play
And I gain them back a little each day

Isn't that said to be healthy anyway

I seem so old
Because I've walked down many long roads
Had many long conversations
Discovered
Fell and recovered
Shone in the light
And quivered in darkness
Laughed, loved and lied
Suffered, screamed and cried
It's a past I choose not to bore you with
Not a past I choose to hide