Calling Doctor Muse

Cut me. My surgeon isn't cooperating. No disinfectant, do it the dirty way.
No anaesthetist, I want to feel the pain. Start operating. I want the sting. 
Dig it out of me. I won't scream. 
What's inside me isn't pretty- but it is.
The ugliness. The ego. Get it out of me. 
The greed. All the Shame. The humility. The sensitivity. And the dread. 
Rip it out of me. 
It's not too late. We can do it again. 
Don't make me choose the inferior muse.
Over you. 
Chemicals aren't the same.
Suck it out of me.
A monster- for pain. Serve it on a plate. 
Cut it out of me. Again.
Its ugly in it's beauty. Unusually grotesque. 
I want it to burst out of me. Get it out of me. Alien in my chest. 
Work it out of me.
Shout out at me. Say words that will hurt. 
Make it happen again. 
Flip out on me like a jealous boyfriend. 
Like a parasite crawling out of me. 
Laying your eggs. 
Cracking out of me. Snapping my ribs. 
Yolk makes me nauseous in the morning. 
Sickness spewing out of me. The illness wont spread.
Bring it out of me like a cesarian. I know you can. 
Work it out on me, we'll use the rhythm method.
Like a flower about to bloom inside my head. Bursting out of me. Like a seed. 
Petals wont spread. 
Frustrated. Fixated on what I can't achieve. What isn't budding in me.
Infuriated, I'll use another doctor instead. 
I vibrate like a volcano in the earth.
Cut it out of me.
Erupting. 
Like a mother giving birth.
Ashes come down on me. Episiotomy. 
Electrocuted. Convulsive therapy.
Genius or insanity is executed.
At my desk.
A child cries, born again. 
Melt down on me. It doesn't have to be nice, it just has to be passionate. 
Make up sex. No regrets.
Impregnate, instigate, infiltrate, my subconsciousness. 
The greatest crime of passion is revenge.
Sharp words and pointy pens.
Like lava oozing from my lips.
Do the words burn? Pouring from my fingertips.
Loneliness, rejection, I want the infection. Wracking through me, but it already is.
Lightning strike me, god may smite me, the devil spike me and you may spite me but it's all worth it in the end.
It's a self feeding mechanism. 
Starved for inspiration.
Going around the bend, it has no end. How long is a piece of string. Around my neck. 
Operation after operation. Chasing dwindling inspiration.
Depression creeping in. 
Clouds crowd. When it rains it pours, I stay outdoors, even when it's frightening.
Thin skin, broken easily. Now scarred and thick. 
Muse, tell me where to to score before I cut too deep. I'm a junky and it's you I seek. Follow the track marks to sleep. Wake me at the end. 
What I'd pay for you to stay and never leave me alone again. Waking from the deep. 
Come over me, fill me to bursting. I'm thirsting for individuality. 
Earn your keep. 
It's the jugular I seek. Lets get it over with the formality, nick my skin. Operate. pseudo effigy. You exist in me. Like an opiate. 
Blood thinners and hallucinogens, desperation. Questions that are rhetorical in the end. 
Perspiration, dedication- expendable. You are my friend. The important.  
Tough love. Isn't fair.
It's the desire and the need, the anger and greed that I depend. 
The creature I breed dormant in it's lair. A dog with a bone. Chewing it alone. 
Continue our affair, your the only one who can get me there. It's where I want to go.  
I could use you. I try not to abuse you. But your needed again. 
I'm ready for you to cut me open. Come out, and bring your knife.
Russian roulette. You call the shots. Take my life in your hands. 
Addicted, over used, I'm nothing without you. Overdose. I've come close, looking for you. 
Dig it out of me. I call your name. Muse. Paper cuts aren't the same. 
You have a subtle power over me, that I need, that comes out of my veins when you cut me so I bleed.