Exactly Who I Am

Throughout my life I've hurt, smiled, dreamed and cried. I've screwed up, walked away, made promises and lied.
I've given my all, proved loyal, and always so quick to defend. I've stomped on dreams and broken hearts  beyond mend.
Given into temptation, aware of the guilt I'd never shake. , built up walls around me, so many smiles I've had to fake.
Known to protect all that's sacred, starting with my own memories, reliving a childhood stolen and what became of me.
Truly experienced the ultimate high and that of a lovers touch, even gave the bar scene a go, just didn't like it quite as much.
Unintentionally became the cause for far too many tears, and bad luck follows me like I broke a thousand mirrors.
Undergone so many surgeries, twenty-seven to be exact
But to know the bones I've broke, you must add ten to that.
I've watched the sun set, and wished upon the nights stars.
Even swam in the ocean and been crushed under a car
Was snatched up from my roots, despite all efforts to stay.
And would you ya know history repeats as my kids are done this way.
I've survived beatings to the point I was numb, but show on the other foot, Lord knows, I've inflicted some.
proudly stood my word, ignoring anyone that'd doubt. Been welcomed home and in the same sentence, kicked out.
I've taken what wasn't mine, needing it or not, and in return,  i too have lost, thus proving
Karma can not be fought.
I've snuck out windows, skipped school, and was pregnant before i married, and even today I fight the demons for the regrets that I have carried.
I buried my father, so much younger than i thought and unconditionally love my siblings no matter how much we  fought.
At times I've lived in denial, in fear that truth would bring me shame. Literally hit rock bottom as my head wasn't in the game.
I've been pregnant more times then I've given birth ...so many battles lost, but I tried for what it's worth.
I've passed judgement and criticized for no reason at all, yet my compassion is apparent, as I'm usually the first one they call.
So basically, I'm imperfect, no statement more true. That even with the bad...maybe some are proud too.
While awaiting me are lessons to be learned, as well to be taught. Many apologies to come but not short of being caught. Still I keep faith and have hope that tomorrow brings a new day, it's so easily forgotten we aren't even promised today. And so, for all that's been said, you'll see I'm open, forward, sometimes too honest maybe, and no matter what life throws, nothing is taking that from me. So there you are, it's out, exactly who I am. Take the bad with the good or deuces. I do not give a d*mn.