Fat Club

The poster caught my eye, it drew me in

You can look like this, you too can be thin

Stop eating this, stop drinking that

Do what we say; you will lose your fat

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As I joined the queue, we were of the same mind

We all wore the lightest clothes we could possibly find

Would I lose any weight, gain or maintain?

Every week we would play this silly game

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We approach the weigh in lady one by one

I hear the people say how well they've done

As I listen around, I hear the chatter

Their very words seem to make me fatter

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Last week was a bad one, I hadn’t been good

It was my mates birthday; we’d been to the pub

Pork scratchings and cider, what harm could they do?

I’d lose it tomorrow if I could finally poo

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It was two days or more

Since I had dumped the warp core!

My constipation held on, but I wanted to go

I tried prune juice and figs, no one needed to know

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Scales please be kind, I haven’t eaten all day

Would that last bag of chips make me pay?

I stepped on the scales with baited breath

It's only a weigh in, not life or death!

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I looked at the numbers, this couldn’t be me

But my elation was there for all to see!

But the lady with the clipboard said with a frown

We’ve reset the scales, they’re kilos not pounds!