Final Tweet - for a friend of mine (hopefully to make her smile)
You capture that little bird
Make sure she's safe and well
With such sweetness to be heard
That heart of yours does swell
Melting away the outer core
Hold onto her so tight
Starting to want something more
Scared she'll take to flight
Buy a cage to keep her
Let her out when you see fit
Her pain, it gets much deeper
In her cage she does just sit
Ignoring the one you love
Her sweet sounds wearing thin
Lock away this little dove
Her light begins to dim
Time goes bye, train her well
The cage doors open wide
Internally she does dwell
Without a place to hide
Her sweet voice is now silent
You avert her loving gaze
She finds herself compliant
Her life lost in a haze
Cast aside, now you're done
A new song sings so sweet
Finally she takes the gun
She'll have the final tweet
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Comments
This is such a creative write with a dominant flow and phrasing scheme that keeps the reader focused.
The poem has a dramatic conclusion to reward. You do have a way with this medium to attract interest !
Great.
Thanks for sharing.
Take care. Hug. x
:)
Hi Richard, thank you for your comments I'm so glad you found this peice of interest, I really appreciate your comments thank you so much
lorna
XXX
Thanks for sharing your creative mind.
Keep producing the varied works to inspire thought and invention in the craft.
Hugs. X :)
Excellent
Thanks Lorris, glad you enjoyed it xxx
Hi Lorna, when abuse is so intense, let him go ## very enjoyable to read: dramatic and humorous especially the ending ###
love and hugs
Leah
Hi Leah, thank you for your kind words, your right of course mental abuse can be just as depleting as physical
Lorna
XXX
There's a remarkable subtlety and sophistication in the slow darkening of the scenario of this poem. But what's really intriguing; and why the final line is such a strong reversal: is that it's written to the abuser (rather than the abused). This is an interesting, and cleverly mischievous, way of making the point of the piece.
...let's hope so (maybe next weekend?!).
Subtle, clever ... it feels as though you're writing with a scalpel!!
J XxXxXxXxXxXxXx
Thank you Jason,
I think she will get the final tweet....(a little less dramatically then I depicted)
I love getting your comments, they always make me smile..thanks darling
Lorna
XXX XXX XXX
My Dear Lorna,
Tweet, Tweet, Tweet went the lovely bird
Trilling the tale of her life
Oft times sweet, that brought her joy
But lately, that has much strife
She spends her days within a gilded cage
The door open, but there she stays
As she contemplates her final hours
Her life lost in Destiny's Sad Haze
Hugs, Peace and Love,
Larry xxx
Thanks Larry, I love your off the cuff poems on my poetry, you really do find the meaning in your words.
thank you so much ??
Lorna
Xxx
I hope it made her smile 'cos it made me to.... No relationship is worth keeping when you feel caged.... definitely not in this free world! This is nicely written Lorna....The rhyming is beautiful...well done
Thanks Rose, It did make her smile :) I'm glad you liked it
love
Lorna
XXX
awesome write linda
Thanks Linda xx
Great! refreshing!
I'm a picky old S.O.B.
Can't fault it
Love it
John
Hi John, I'm so glad you enjoyed this one, thank you so much.
Lorna
:)