Harried Harris heir still feels horrid courtesy heist he doth declare...

Earlier this merry month of May
a goniff who possibly did gossip
about his/her surreptitious exploits
when he/she brazenly
accessed ATM machine
situated at 13 West Ridge Street
Lansford Pennsylvania 18232
pulled off outright theft
found him/herself
in possession of debit card
with Mastercard logo
(I deduce mail meant for us -
particularly the missus
got sent to incorrect address)
unknown person took liberty
considered themselves blessed
a golden opportunity
became their manifest destiny
initially linkedin to activate debit card
immediately afterward acquired access
to monies in our joint account
and stuffed their pockets with moolah
belonging to yours truly and the missus
he/she blithely devolved
into criminal mind,
nevertheless mischievous person
had themselves a handy dandy
blue's clues field day
when they considered
him/herself lucky duck
emptied checking account
(belonging to sexagenarian
husband and wife, and as the former
generally identified victim)
can attest to electronic record identified
espying online account in question
with erroneous withdrawn funds
incorporating a half dozen transactions -
instantaneously rendered me penniless,
the writer of these words
matter of fact pondered joining dead souls,
and rider in the emotional storm
hankered for eternal peace
proffered courtesy "Spiritus Mundi,"
I suddenly felt compelled
to renounce living social
and (despite lack of life insurance)
capitulate to the afterlife,
yet restraint and being
support animal of the wife
checked impulse to surrender
on a wing and a prayer
to the divine cosmic force
ideally for monetary salvation,
where upon the countless rungs
of each heavenly stair,
presented a daunting task
nevertheless these little feet
of mine tirelessly climbed
every mountainous step
attempting to reach the elusive summit
in sum re: experienced a spring in mine gait
with subsequent ascendent footstep
taken with increased vim and vigor
as if being buoyed forth,
perhaps invisible strings
controlled me as a marionette
ascending closer to another
lightness of finally being
no longer discombobulated
nor distressed simian
gifted with eternal blessedness
to behold the infinite blinding starburst
signaling out of this world
magnificent phenomenal supernova,
bathing, hashtagging and searing
across retinas freed from cataracts
courtesy opthamologist Aaron Cohn
rendering vision to behold
brilliant permanent images
attesting to the infinite
starry eyed breadth, scope, and width
of the universe city of galactic accretions
splayed out across the cosmos
an ever expanding
profound show stopper
fanfare for a common man
enjoying an Appalachian Spring
while attending a Rodeo
reinforcing nihilistic existentialism
while reducing egotistical pomposity
into an infinitesimal nothingness,
yet in the meantime welcomes
munificence videre licet largesse
or more simply stated
as cold hard cash for this Johnny.