Here but not here

Dear Best friend of always 
We once ruled our lives with fire, 
Good times good laughs, the memories 
Faced ups & downs, walking the wire, 
Years back, we met our loved ones
You dated my past love, good with bad, 
You both fought, the kids hated you 
She fed them lies, not knowing what you had, 
I tried to bridge for you, between one daughter 
She was willing, but her mum didn't agree, 
I found after when I was with her 
She was heartless & didn't love me 
What a waste of years, that went by
Another was in love with me, chose wrong, 
I dated my brothers ex with his child
We lived together, she used & played along, 
I was told after we broke, she had my daughter 
I was told I was not allowed to know, 
For years I dreamt of her out there 
Then 20 years later, all the lies had to go, 
Dear best friend that's far away 
Looking down, how I miss what we had, 
You were my only friend, like a brother 
Now it's gone, left a hole feeling sad, 
Everyone around me is fading fast
Friends & family have passed, I'm alone, 
I sometimes wish I was with them free
Instead of here, empty with a simple tone, 
After years I found my ex had an abortion 
Over 20 years a daughter I thought I had, 
She used me to go onto the next lover
I was broken for over 20 years of bad, 
My dear friend, you've gone but still visit 
It's hard to know the end you'll be alone
Family & friends passed over, I was empty
I see more clouds of thunder, I'm on my own 
My childhood faced scars in my memory 
My love life felt worthless, coated with loss, 
The true love I wanted was rained on
And again cupid did not give a toss!!