Poem -

Hopelessly Hoping

Hopelessly Hoping

Some days, I wish I could move on.
But, the most essential part of that,
one I can't find no matter how I try,
Is someone else to feel for.
Because, as long as I love her,
I will never be able to love again.
As long as I dream of her in my arms,
I can't truly accept someone as mine,
or accept myself as theirs, until,
maybe that one day, when I see her again,
I know she'll berate me for being stupid,
Before hugging me again as she always did.
And yet, with that in mind, how can I?
I feel, like it is a betrayal.
Of the girl I fall for, and the girl I fell for.
How could I do that to her now?
If she waits a century to see me again,
only to tell her I'M waiting for someone else.
Maybe, just maybe, being her,
she'll forgive me, and the other girl,
find it in her heart to thank her for making me happy,
for giving me the life I always wanted.
Maybe she'll understand, and apologize for everything,
apologize to me for breaking me, however she intended not to.
Maybe she'll sit with me, and we can wait for my wife together,
so that the other girl could see her,
the one who made me into who I am.
I can only hope they would get along, share,
know they both held my heart, my love,
If not in life than in death, and ever moment before or after.
I guess that is one of my greatest fears. Seeing her again,
Listening to her opinions on what I did with my life without her,
I am terrified that she won't approve, that I made her suffer,
not knowing how unhappy she would be watching me happy.
watching me happy without her.
Not knowing, how much I thought about her...
The last time I was truly happy, without pain,
was when We were together. That last evening...
Before my heart died in place. And now,
All I feel is a hollow facsimile.
As if my heart is waiting, waiting,
for someone else to fill in the hole she left,
so I can stop feeling empty as I do now.
Maybe if I did find someone else,
she or he could help me out of this place,
this ashen bottom where I have stayed,
watching and waiting, for a hand to be extended,
an olive branch from the world which has so hurt me...
Hopelessly hoping, that my love for another,
could make it, relieve a broken heart...

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Comments

author
Simon Bromley

I feel so much sadness and pain in this write.  Very well executed.

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author
Dmitri Rudder

Thanks... It takes a lifetime to get over some things, you know?

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author
Simon Bromley

I understand.  There is no limit to time or answers to give, just waiting patiently for your mind and soul to adjust is all we can do sometimes.

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author
Cherie Sumner-Taylor

Hey D....I am so behind on here reading your poems....They break my heart to read and feel your pain.  Hope comes when we wait for it through the pain.  Love to you my friend. xo

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author
Dmitri Rudder

It's Alright Cherie. It's not your Job to read everything, especially when I can pump them out at such a prodigious rate. And, yeah, I have to vent some of It, don't I. Mitsali and you both agreed  that I needed to release some of what I keep inside, and here that is.

 I have so much I need to expel, I don't think a Hundred more poems could get rid of it... So One at a time will have to do. To be honest, the happy memories hurt just as much as the bad ones....

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