Hopelessly Hoping

Some days, I wish I could move on.
But, the most essential part of that,
one I can't find no matter how I try,
Is someone else to feel for.
Because, as long as I love her,
I will never be able to love again.
As long as I dream of her in my arms,
I can't truly accept someone as mine,
or accept myself as theirs, until,
maybe that one day, when I see her again,
I know she'll berate me for being stupid,
Before hugging me again as she always did.
And yet, with that in mind, how can I?
I feel, like it is a betrayal.
Of the girl I fall for, and the girl I fell for.
How could I do that to her now?
If she waits a century to see me again,
only to tell her I'M waiting for someone else.
Maybe, just maybe, being her,
she'll forgive me, and the other girl,
find it in her heart to thank her for making me happy,
for giving me the life I always wanted.
Maybe she'll understand, and apologize for everything,
apologize to me for breaking me, however she intended not to.
Maybe she'll sit with me, and we can wait for my wife together,
so that the other girl could see her,
the one who made me into who I am.
I can only hope they would get along, share,
know they both held my heart, my love,
If not in life than in death, and ever moment before or after.
I guess that is one of my greatest fears. Seeing her again,
Listening to her opinions on what I did with my life without her,
I am terrified that she won't approve, that I made her suffer,
not knowing how unhappy she would be watching me happy.
watching me happy without her.
Not knowing, how much I thought about her...
The last time I was truly happy, without pain,
was when We were together. That last evening...
Before my heart died in place. And now,
All I feel is a hollow facsimile.
As if my heart is waiting, waiting,
for someone else to fill in the hole she left,
so I can stop feeling empty as I do now.
Maybe if I did find someone else,
she or he could help me out of this place,
this ashen bottom where I have stayed,
watching and waiting, for a hand to be extended,
an olive branch from the world which has so hurt me...
Hopelessly hoping, that my love for another,
could make it, relieve a broken heart...