Lassie Got Rabies

My name is Timmy and I had a dog named Lassie.
My father is an alcoholic and my mother is sassy.
Mom has affairs with every man who comes to town.
When it comes to Mom, you'd better believe she's been around.
My mom is pregnant but it isn't Dad's baby.
I had to shoot Lassie because she had rabies.
But before I could shoot her, she sank her teeth into my balls.
I had to get some painful shots and I didn't like that at all.
Lassie got out because Dad was drunk and didn't shut the door.
Lassie got in a fight with a rabid wolf and my balls are still sore.
I constantly daydream about being kidnapped.
I want somebody to take me away from this crap.
My mom is the loosest woman in town and my dad stays plastered.
Mom and Dad never got married so I guess that makes me a bastard.