Laughter Lines

It's dinner time - so I'll have 'mustard for the bustard'
my father-in-law said: 'don't be so,' I always tried hard;
'r' s become 'w's  - don't wowwy, tomowwow never comes,
life's a puzzle - in fact you spend time solving conundrums.
 
I bet you wish that you'd never started, the ways parted,
I tried joke lines out on my pets and then the cat farted; 
Australian 'basic' english is good - like 'Colin From Accounts.'
or 'you should be so lucky, ' that's when incredulity mounts.

Oh, what a snob, English are the best at being disrespectful,
think everyone else is a plonker, but don't mean to be hurtful;
'She could have me if she played her cards right,' oh dear,
we wonder what suit - diamonds? Hearts aren't as they appear.

Communications are wonderful, what spirit makes you laugh most?
That reminds me to check - to  see if there's any 'post for the ghost.'