survival

i don’t think i’ll ever be able to love you.
not because i don’t want to 
not because i can’t 
but because you won’t let me 
you’ll always have a piece of yourself within her. 
a part of you will always be hers to hold. 
i can’t handle that
maybe it’s because i’m selfish, but if that’s selfish, 
i’m the most selfish person in this damn world
because i could never settle for a piece of you 
i wouldn’t allow myself to 
i’d rather have nothing at all.
and believe me, i know what it’s like 
i know, because i’ll always love him. 
i don’t blame you 
but the difference between you and i is that i would never speak to him again if it meant i could have you 
and only you. 
look at me, and truthfully tell me you could do the same.
you cannot let her go, 
and i cannot bear another season of emptiness within my bones. 
it’s simple, really.
-detaching myself. it’s what i must do to survive