To the Cute Girl at McDonalds

To the cute girl at McDonalds,

Firstly, allow me to apologize
I don't wanna come across as one of those hollow guys
The See-You-Somewhere-And-Then-Follow type
But I'm trying to live an honest life
And honestly, I didn't even want a wife
Until I saw you munching those McDonalds fries

I asked for Coke and you asked for Pepsi
The lady said 'We don't serve Pepsi,
We just have the soft drinks on this list here, see?'
You replied 'That's fine, I'll just take a water'
In a voice that made me love you like a father loves his daughter
In a voice softer than the soft serve that I should've bought ya
In a voice so benevolent that I forgot my order

You licked your lips and I bit my tongue
When you dipped your chips I knew that you were the one
I never believed there was a soulmate for me
I thought that nobody could love me like I had the Hamburglar's genes
Until I witnessed the way that you chewed your quarter pounder
Our eyes met as you bit a pickle and I truly thought 'I've found her'

You probably just remember me as Order #205
That picky loser, who didn't like tomatoes right?
Well please forgive my taste buds, I don't mean to start no fights
But every fucking burger has tomatoes, I've lived a hard knock life
If it's really important to you, I'll pretend to like 'em
Shit I'll even eat one raw if it means that you might come
Errrr.. to my birthday party that is, we're having cheese and crackers
And I know it isn't Maccas
But for you fuck it, it's nuggets
Ten piece or bucket
If they don't serve them by the bucket then fuck them
I'm a man of substance; I'll buy you a McMuffin

For our first official date
I'm making big man plays- I'm talking McCafé
You want extra sauce on that Big Mac babe?
Consider it done my irresistible, fun,
Unpredictable chum
Be it dinner or lunch
You're the Flake to my Sundae
And I can't wait to hear what my Mum says
When I decide to go all in
And marry you in the ball pit

Maybe it's just the Sweet & Sour Sauce talking
But I really think I love you
And honey I got coupons
So if I'm coming on a little too strong
Here's a free McChicken for you to chew on
And there's plenty more vouchers left to choose from
I'll give you a two-for-one happy meal
Just so you know that what's happening's real
Because you're my hot apple pie
So choose your side
Salad or fries

And let me soothe that appetite.