Todd, the Wimp

I pretend to be a tough guy but that's just an act.
I'm the world's biggest coward and that's a fact.
People must not find out that I'm really a wimp.
My name is Todd and I have the IQ of a chimp.
Beavis and Butt-Head think that I'm cool.
They'll kick my ass if they learn that I'm a wimpy fool.
If you punch me in my stomach, I will start to cry.
People must think that I'm tough, that's why I lie.
Mister Van Driessen knows that I have a feminine side.
I can't even whoop him, he kicked my ass when I tried.
People could see the fear in my eyes if I wasn't wearing dark sunglasses.
I must keep up appearances, I must make people think I'll kick their asses.
If you tell people my secret, they'll beat me up and I faint at the sight of blood.
When I visited another town, a six year old kicked my ass and made me eat mud.
I'm such a big coward that it's beyond belief.
Even a nun is capable of knocking out my teeth.
People must have learned the truth because they're coming at me with baseball bats.
Please send flowers and get well cards to the hospital because that's where I'll be at.