Where Can I Find it

Oh where can I find it?

I've looked for so long,

in the old worn out pictures,

 and restless songs.

 I've reached the rock bottom,

there is no turning back.

these memories taunt me at night

I just cant have them back.

Loneliness is poison, it screws with your head,

It makes your body tremble while it's lying in bed.

And you wish you could beat it, you need it to stay,

to brighten your night, and darken your day.

My mind is exploding, my hands with sweat,

I want to leave, I want to forget.

No, it's just way too far, too far to see...

Where can I find it? 

The joy that's left me.