Free Run

Straight up chilling on my couch
Watching the simpsons on tv
I heard a strange noise 
Then a sudden urge fell over me
I was caught under some sort of spell
Or some kind of trance
I felt the need to run
And to do it really, really fast
I couldn't fight it
I dashed out of the house in a full on sprint
And as I ran, my clothes rebelled 
It felt like they no longer fit
It seemed like my shirt
Was trying to strangle me
So I started peeling away garments
As I hit the streets
I wrestled with my pants
Then I front flipped right out
My clothes laid all over the neighborhood
It looked like my girl threw me out
So there I was, naked and running
How did this happen
I swear just 10 minutes ago
I was seconds away from napping
But curiously here I was
My nuts flapping in the wind
I knew the most embarrassing part
Was only just about to begin
I darted around a corner
Smack dab into a parade
It was like Cersei's walk in Game of Thrones
The way everyone was chanting shame
But I blocked them out
It wasn't easy but I stayed my course 
The onlookers continued to yell
Until their voices got horse
I jumped up on a float
Snoopy gave me the stank eye
As he peered down 
From his place up in the sky
I dove between two old ladies
They quickly goosed my bum
Geez they were quick
I didn't even know where they came from
I have no clue why I was running
Or why I was out there naked
But wherever I was going
I felt the need to make it
Some bicycle cops saw me 
They turned and gave chase
But I was moving too fast
They couldn't keep up with my pace
They followed me through a donut shop
And out through a dock in the back
If anything was gonna stop them
I was sure it would be that
I hurried down an alley
They were steady on my six
I shook and jived around a corner
I thought that this was it
But then they ran into a parked car
And I let a laugh get out
But the second I did 
I got a stupid bug in my mouth
My naked free run
Turned into a harsh roll
As I landed on someone's windshield
Broken glass in the parts of me no one wants to know
The people in the car
Asked if I was alright
Then asked for my insurance
And I was out like a lighting strike
I was exhausted 
But couldn't stop the streak
Around another corner
And down another street
Just then I saw my mother
Looking at me in disgust
I stopped and started to come to my senses
Then behind me pulled a bus
Filled front to back with varsity cheerleaders
I turned every color known to man
My mom was like
Some things you do I will never understand

By LukeCoomer (c)