Help

I make jokes
And poems that rhyme
It's just my way
Of pretending I'm fine

But the truth is I'm hurting
Right at my core
I'm tired of aching
Can't take anymore

Feelings of loss
And unresolved issues
It's not my way
To reach for tissues

I'm the one 
Who's always strong 
Who fixes things 
When they go wrong 

But I'm not sure
If I can be that man 
When others can't 
The man that can 

Sometimes I wonder
How it would be
To be someone else
That wasn't me

Someone who's selfish
And didn't care
Who didn't feel the need
To ensure things were fair

Someone who didn't always
Have to stand tall
And consider every outcome
No matter how small 

But I'm not that person 
That I fantasize to be 
I'm always responsible
That is just me 

There have been times
In the dead of night
That I've had thoughts
That aren't right 

Thoughts so dark
I hate to admit
But I have to confront
To deal with it

I've a loving wife
And kids I adore 
Which makes these thoughts
Even more 

Hard to except
They come from me 
It's just not the way 
That things should be 

That if for my life
I had to fight 
Would I be bothered
Or just head for the light 

Sometimes I feel like driving
Till I run out of road
Then just keep on going
By some other mode

I don't want to run away
I just want to be free 
I am so very tired 
Of being me 

I think I need help 
Yes, I think that's best
Is it depression
Or am I just stressed