I’m Ashamed

Silence is poison to the heart. To me you were a precious piece of art. I used to look at you and feel the cliché butterflies, tongue tied, but when you told me you loved me, you lied. I can’t stand this anymore, I feel used and thrown away like some useless whore. Fuck you, fuck your stupid friends too. You simply left me, you threw away my hearts only key. Why are you so mean to me. You are my muse, you help me write and tell the truth. Love is painful love hurts, but sometimes it feel like remarkable deserts. I thought you were the one, but now I guess we’re done. Please, oh please listen to me, you’re fucking tearing me apart; can’t you see. I still love you, I love everything about you. Years go by, lie after lie, so hurt I wanted to die. In the hospital you sent me, all I wanted was your love that’s in the moment what I need. You didn’t care when I tried to end my life, but in some fucked up way you were the one holding the knife. I’ll sit here and remember the good times that never even happened, the moments I was happy; all the mushy love stuff like a gift with a ribbon covered in satin. Come back, this friendship is something that I lacked. Things changed, my life was rearranged. I woke up in a hospital room. Sent to a mental hospital, sent to my doom. I laid in that thin padded bed, feeling like a prisoner, feeling my soul was dead. I thought of you, oh how I fucking missed you. It was torture there, but it was like to the world there wasn’t one person who cared. Moments I won’t ever forget, moments you’ll never get. I never wanted to hurt you, I never wanted to wish bad things upon you. You took all that I had and destroyed it, as if who I was someone who’s mentality went mad. I’m not here to call you out, I’m just saying you tore me apart this is no doubt. I wrote about love, I wrote about my first kiss, in a moment everything was bliss. I had it all and it ended with your one shot call. I hope you’re fucking happy, I hope you’re proud, I know you can’t hear me scream, no matter how loud. Others wouldn’t stand for what you put me through, but fight after fight I subdued. I gave you my heart, for in love your first words made me fall; it was a beautiful start. But you’re a piece of shit, your actions and words to my heart they would hit. How dare you hurt me, how dare you destroy me, how can you live with yourself, knowing for in the moment my pain was showing. I used to see you, my heart would race waiting to hug you waiting to love you, but true love? Ha, this isn’t the case. It was fraud, it was fake, but you never saw me as a person for fucks sake. You saw me as someone to use, you didn’t care if you hurt me but in this game you would lose. In some way I was the one who settled a win, no matter the action, no matter the sin. I hope when you think of me, all the good times is what you see. I hope you feel the feeling of regret, like a play with no set. This writing is what I’m speaking, my feelings just leaking. You were the angel that was spitted but God, you were the one sent to hell, and forever I hope you dwell. I must say you played this game, I must say you drove me insane. I’ll never forget you, fuck I’ll never forget everything you would do. Just kill me with your words, with your cold hearted moves, with your heartbreaking disaster of a guy who just doesn’t give a fuck. But one day I hope I can speak with you, I hope I get a little luck. Now you’re reading this and wondering why I would ever want a straight up asshole, a fucking demon, but I’m telling you in my dreams I would always see him. He made it so my future looked dim. I can’t ever forget you, but I must try to live my life without the thought of you. You’ll never forget your first love, elegant like a beautiful dove. People change, people get hurt and release their anger on someone else; making their victims feel like dirt. I just hope you read this last line, you will always be mine, but a fucked up person with no heart? Boy, you’re one of the devils created kind.