The Cheapest Man I've Ever Seen

My neighbor is so cheap that he uses an antique lawn mower to cut his grass.
He's the cheapest man I've ever seen, it's a lawn mower that doesn't use gas.
When he goes shopping, he dents cans to get them at half price.
He's too damn cheap to buy lice shampoo to get rid of his lice.

He has concussions because he's been beaten up twice.
He got his ass kicked two times for giving people lice.
He bought a mattress for 50 cents and it had broken springs that were sticking out.
When one of those broken springs went up his ass, you should've heard him shout.

He drives a vehicle that backfires and has no doors, it's a real junk heap.
This idiot will do anything to save money, how can anybody be so cheap?
Just thinking about his cheapness is too much for me to bear.
And what is especially irritating is that this cheapskate is a millionaire.