The Christmas gifts

I asked my girlfriend what she wants for Christmas
And she said all she wants for Christmas is me
so, on Christmas morning, I wrap myself with a bow
and sit down under the tree

But when she comes downstairs
And see no gifts
you know, the girl got mad with me
She said she knows that she said it
But she didn't mean it literally

She said when a woman says she doesn't want any gift
That is only a test
Her mouth may be saying no no no
But the man has to know that her heart is saying yes

And then she stops talking to me
She just sits down looking very sad
Because she had no gifts to open
Not even a Merry Christmas card

But this is Christmas morning
And the Staten Island mall is close
And I had to come up with something
To make her stop crying and dry her cute little nose

So, I tell her " don't worry darling " of course I buy you some gifts
But I hide all your gifts in my friend's car
Because I didn’t want you to see your gifts
Before Its wrap in gift paper

then I drive out looking for a store that’s open
But the only place open was ShopRite and one deli
So, I started to buy anything I can get
And come back home and wrap it for my baby

But Shoprite only have groceries
And didn't have anything for women
So, I buy her a 12 pack of diet Pepsi
Because I had to use my imagination

But when I give it to her
And said Merry Christmas, my love
She got up and went to the bathroom
And close the door with a hard shove

This is Christmas morning
And I wanted to make her happy
But she said all she wanted for Christmas was me
But now she changes her story

at a deli on forest avenue
I buy some Christmas scratch-off lottery games
and said" happy holidays my love. You could win a million dollars
And our lives would never be the same

but when she scratches the tickets
 she didn’t even win a dime
she throws it in the garbage
and started to cry one more time

Yes, it's a bad situation
And it's getting more dread
And it didn’t help the situation when her next gift
Was a spicy Jamaican beef patty with cheese on coco bread

I even give her a Cadbury chocolate
In a Santa clause bag with a tin of salted cashews
And gift wrap a flashlight from 7-11
But she still wasn’t amused

Now, this Christmas morning
Is turning out to be a real disaster
And to make my girlfriend happy again
I need the advice of a real ladies’ master

And  the only relationship specialist that I know of
 is my nephew junior
The whole of Trinidad knows him by his nickname
They call him " the girls them sugar"

So, I send out an SOS to him
With the hashtag “situation emergency”
Need your immediate attention
On how to make a woman happy

 he texts me back a few minutes later
And the situation was solved right way
All this drama I went through this morning
And now with just one text, he saves the Christmas day

So, took a sheet of paper from my printer
Write something on it, draw a heart and fold it like a Christmas card
And when she opens it, she jumps on me
and started kissing me like if she gone mad

She couldn’t stop kissing me
We had to go into the room and close the door
And now she was very happy
And she wasn't angry with me no more

And we had a wonderful Christmas
And a happy new year
and with this gift I give her
the happiness on her face is showing very clear

OK, I know you all are wondering now
How could I save Christmas with one text alone?
Well the text junior sends me it says
“give her the password for your iPhone