Funny

The perfect way to avoid overeating this Thanksgiving is to put super glue on your lips.
If you're...

I'm so dumb that when I ordered a chili dog, I expected it to be chilly.
But when it was hot, I...

I sit next to you again
Mesmerized by your beautiful eyes
Unrivaled by goddesses, by diamonds...

I've always been excellent at playing pool.
But I got in a situation that made me look like a fool...

I believed those cartoons when Popeye whooped Bluto.
If you're wondering if it was real, the answer...

Two inept crooks robbed my house while I was on vacation.
They left my water running and they died...

The Monday after Halloween
I laid down the law to my employees
“You’d better be here on the...

Since I have bad luck with women, I decided to build one.
But after I brought her to life, I said "...

Last week a man was being a jerk, he was very uptight.
Just because I asked his girl for directions...

I used to watch those Girls Gone Wild videos but I stopped.
The last one that I saw was so shocking...

Some people call me indecent and others call me rude.
People are offended because I go everywhere in...

As I lay my pen to rest

In another life I do invest

A life of silence

Loneliness...

When I said that you could have a pet, I didn't mean a skunk.
He sprayed me and people took off...