Aunt Bee and The Bed Jacket

Aunt Bee's feelings were hurt on her birthday and she caused quite a racket.
She cried and cussed on her birthday because she didn't get her bed jacket.
She was deeply hurt and angry when I gave her preserving jars.
She became violent and I had to put my own aunt behind bars.
I took the Mayor's wife's gift to the store because he asked me to have it exchanged.
I traded it for the bed jacket and when Aunt Bee didn't receive it, she was enraged.
I went to the Mayor's house and he said he'd trade the bed jacket for my fishing rod.
I said "Hell no" and I flipped the jerk off and because of that, I damn nearly met God.
Bee was so angry and hurt that she came after me with a knife.
She stabbed me two times and I thought she would end my life.
Opie punched Aunt Bee in the face but that didn't help at all.
She used that knife to castrate him, now Opie has no balls.
I finally knocked the knife out of her hand and I gave her a slap.
She's my aunt and I love her but I wasn't going to take her crap.
Barney had his gun aimed at her and a jail cell was where she was put.
Barney put his gun back in his holster and the idiot blew off his foot.
If you have a crazy aunt, please don't make the same mistake that I did.
Barney walks with a prosthetic foot and Opie can never father any kids.
A judge declared Bee to be insane and sent her to the loony bin.
I still love her but I truly hope that I don't see that psycho again.