Fiction

When Luke Skywalker visited our planet and my restaurant, he died.
Chewbacca and Leia were furious...

I pretend to be a tough guy but that's just an act.
I'm the world's biggest coward and that's a fact...

He shot his friend while hunting and said he mistook him for a deer.
But the jury didn't buy it and...

I had good reason to run.
A man pulled out his gun.
He was a shithead and I wouldn't take his...

I'm your best man and what I'm going to say may start a fight.
But your intended has a lot of nerve...

Something happened and I'm appalled.
My wife left me because I'm going bald.
It just goes to...

Last summer, I accidentally killed my baby son.
When I learned what happened, I screamed "What have...

A man was too drunk to give his son a ride.
Lightning struck his only son and he died.
He...

I made a mistake when I asked the wrong lady for a date.
I never knew that a man could end up...

I'm an ex-prizefighter and my name is Glass Joe.
If you're wondering if I could win fights, the...

You tricked me into marrying you when I was drunk.
When I learned what happened, my ship was sunk....

When I told my wife that her dad bought the farm, she thought he died.
But he actually bought a farm...

My wife is extremely bad at playing the violin.
I hope that I go deaf and can never hear again....

You think it's going to be your way or the highway but that's not how it's going to be.
You'd better...

What happened is certainly enough to appall.
I'm in the Army and I was forced to go AWOL.
I...

I'm sorry to say that I have a houseguest.
The asshole is a troublemaker and a pest.
He...