July 25th, 1996 tied the Gordian knot,...

(I spent noose cents)
begot deux daughters, the major events
both since flew cuckoo's nest,
the eldest angry at papa for offense

sieve behavior fatherly bond
forever sundered permanent rents
unforgiving progeny vents
bile, explosive vitriol whence...

Aye yen for bachelorhood every
now and again doth mildly abate
after saying "I do...,"
when axed by justice of peace

nearly two dozen years wedded
bull hissing, rest assured
I will abbreviate
encapsulate, fulminate, narrate...

and forthrightly admit,
yours truly oft times
yearned to abdicate
spousal unbridled warfare and injustice

reason enough to abnegate
null and void husbandry role
ex post facto finding thyself
questioning pledging troth even

Frosty the snowman would abominate
to say "screw this -
marriage nut for me"
bolt in a huff boot (dang)

ne'er did absquatulate
altercations that adhere
to rule of physics
and tended to accelerate

as muzzled, neigh saying saddled
former groom did
lament and accentuate
his physical needs,

she did not accommodate,
cuz this solitary soul
(with good n plenti horse sense),
never did fully acculturate

with female species,
one whose blunt cold front
seemed to accumulate growing
gripe list bestowed courtesy this mate

tit for tat wrathful pitiless,
(not so cherry) feedback unmatched
within annotated coupled courtship of fools,
this scrivener with steely

iron maiden breastplate,
nonetheless did rack up and accumulate
battle scars hitting bullseye,
since donned with

corrective vision spectacles
hen pecking, needling termagant
untameable shrew did acerate
(worse fate than death -

validated by grim reaper)
avowed covenant thru torturous years
exponentially punishing innocent soul
(slightly biased) did acervate

popping one after
another over the counter acetylsalicylate,
no ampule adequate
to relieve permanent suffering,
thus lifetime electric shock treatment,

nsync quaffing prescription
kool aid battery acidulate
ineffective to activate
palliative, and restore

liberty (yeah) sense and sensibility
subsequently providing freedom
against further wifely scourges
whereby Doctor Phil Ander

refused to adjudicate,
perhaps understandable why I advocate
selfless mercy killing (euthanasia)
for this urbane country bumpkin.