Humor

I can't overlook what you did because it was an incredibly stupid thing to do.
You wanted a batch of...

When you asked how much money that I have in the bank, $100,000 is the amount.
We got married last...

This is the day that I sure have been dreading.
I'm in a church and this is a shotgun wedding....

Harvard said no
Like many others

Hell Arizona state
Said they would
Have to...

He always showed up to help people who were in danger.
But I was too smart and I shot and killed The...

When Luke Skywalker visited our planet and my restaurant, he died.
Chewbacca and Leia were furious...

I pretend to be a tough guy but that's just an act.
I'm the world's biggest coward and that's a fact...

I had good reason to run.
A man pulled out his gun.
He was a shithead and I wouldn't take his...

Chanel vs. the Birkin bag, McLaren truck with the Bicentennial Vermont tags, penthouse with the helicopter...

I'm your best man and what I'm going to say may start a fight.
But your intended has a lot of nerve...

I made a mistake when I asked the wrong lady for a date.
I never knew that a man could end up...

I'm an ex-prizefighter and my name is Glass Joe.
If you're wondering if I could win fights, the...

You tricked me into marrying you when I was drunk.
When I learned what happened, my ship was sunk....

People have done things that make a man furious and he's losing self control.
He has become angry...

The clock is faster than expected.
With the second hand moving just as quickly as the hour hand....

When I told my wife that her dad bought the farm, she thought he died.
But he actually bought a farm...

My wife is extremely bad at playing the violin.
I hope that I go deaf and can never hear again....