Fiction

Poem -

The Sausage

The Sausage

I tied a sausage to my leg and for a short time my ex-girlfriend was fooled.
But she dumped me flat...

Poem -

Questionable Morals

When everything has been said and done.
You are not good enough for my son.
You've been with...

Poem -

I'm Not Man Enough

I'm Not Man Enough

When I was a boy, my brother put a weed eater down my pants.
My new wife demanded that I get her...

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Poem -

Daisy Duke

Inspired by "The Dukes of Hazzard" TV show.

Daisy Duke

She is Daisy Duke and her cousins went too far.
Bo and Luke accidentally destroyed her yellow car....

Poem -

Trapped

Trapped

It's dark, it's goopy.
It makes lots of fun
I shake it and stir it
until it's done....

Poem -

Why My Wife Left Me

Why My Wife Left Me

My ex-wife loved to argue, complain and nag.
She hated The Dukes of Hazzard because of the flag....

Poem -

I'll Be Sent Straight...

I'll Be Sent Straight To Hell

My wife and I both worked at a video game store.
They closed and we're not working there anymore....

Poem -

Cruel and Fatal Joke

Cruel and Fatal Joke

My uncle died many years ago and he won't be coming back.
A cruel joke was played on him and he died...

Poem -

Stolen Ford Truck

Stolen Ford Truck

A jerk thought he was being smart when he stole my Ford truck.
But he didn't know that it had no...

Poem -

My Son's Jaguar

Warning: This poem has content that may not be suitable for...

My Son's Jaguar

I shouldn't have given my son a choice when I bought him a car.
He could've chosen something cheaper...

Poem -

Super Macho Man's Shame

This poem was inspired by my favorite NES game "Mike Tyson...

Super Macho Man's Shame

Even though I'm only twenty-seven years old, my hair has turned gray.
I was beaten by a boxer who...

Poem -

Smoking Does Stunt a Person...

Smoking Does Stunt a Person's Growth

When people say that smoking stunts a person's growth, it's true.
I've smoked for thirty-seven years...

Poem -

The Consequences of Liking...

Dedicated to Christopher Mayer (1954-2011) who died on July 23...

The Consequences of Liking Coy and Vance

People ganged up on me and I didn't stand a chance.
It was because when I watched The Dukes of...

Poem -

A Confrontation With Elaine...

Inspired by the Seinfeld TV show.

A Confrontation With Elaine Benes

When my girlfriend and I went to a restaurant, Elaine Benes started harassing her.
When she saw my...

Poem -

That Damn Duck Hunt Dog

Inspired by the video game that was manufactured by Nintendo.

That Damn Duck Hunt Dog

Some call him a bastard and others call him a cunt.
But everybody hates that dog that's on Duck Hunt...

Poem -

Lousy Gift Giver

Lousy Gift Giver

I'm angry because of a gift that I received on my birthday.
My friend bought me "Batman and Robin"...

Poem -

Screen Door On A Submarine

Screen Door On A Submarine

It was one of the dumbest things that I've ever seen.
My stupid daughter put a screen door on my...