Funny

My neighbor is so cheap that he uses an antique lawn mower to cut his grass.
He's the cheapest man I...

You asked for my help because you have a broken arm and leg.
I've been helping you because I hate to...

This may be hard for you to believe.
But I always kick the asses of thieves.
While working at...

I agreed to do a lot of yard work for a man for 125 bucks.
I did the work but when I asked for the...

Even though my wife is somebody who I love and adore,
She decided not to let me touch or see her...

When my wife had to go off the pill, I called a place that sells condominiums.
When I said that I...

The way I run my business is something my employees don't like.
Just because I do them dirty...

When Rocky Balboa returned from Russia, he'd been cheated out of his money, he didn't have a penny.
...

“Has your nose been bleeding”
As he glances by his head
But his pillow is clean
“Haha...

Three convenience store employees thought what they did was funny but I think it was cruel.
Those...

You've designed a new electric car and it's being built on the assembly line.
You've been pestering...

I've been a used car salesman for twenty years, it's my job to lie and cheat.
When it comes to how I...

If they knew love.
Long stares unseen.
Hope for attention is strong.
Hopeful act...

Saw half an eye of a girl in a hall...long dark hair, about 5'4 tall!!
She looked like a lady,...

A man has kidnapped two people and is demanding 50 million for their safe return.
But people have...

Roses are red. Violets are blue.
Wait, blue cannot possibly be a violet’s true hue!

Are...

I broke one of God's Commandments when I stole an extension cord.
I was struck by a bolt of...